This Letter to Headquarters comes from Norm. He’s 24, from Seattle, Washington:
Here’s a question I had that I wanted to run past you. I’ve been hearing a lot and reading a lot about how a man needs to be a man—about how a man should work on himself to be a better man—that way, he’ll increase his chances of getting better women. Now, I believe this. And by listening to your show and visiting your online headquarters, I know you believe this too. But I wanted to play Devil’s Advocate for a second here.
From the other side, I hear some guys say that you don’t really need to become a better man to get women. They say that all you really need to do is work on increasing your status. In other words, what they say is that all it takes to get women is money—end of story. According to a lot of guys who buy into this way of thinking, most women are just attracted to guys with money anyway; so the best thing to do is bypass working on becoming a better man and just work on becoming a rich man instead.
I know you’ve heard that old cliché before, the one that says that the way to get women is to make enough money so that you’ll be thought of as powerful enough for them to respect you. The formula that a lot of guys swear by is Money + Power + Respect = all the women that a man could ever want. But what’s your take on this? In the end, is money the only thing a man really needs to be successful with women?
Victory Unlimited writes:
Norm, thank you for your email. You bring up a very interesting question. Is money all a man really needs to be successful with women? Well, before I break this down and analyze it, let me go ahead and just tell you that the answer is “No”. Money is not all a man needs to be successful with women. But it is critical to have status in order to be successful with women.
Now I know what you’re thinking, you thinking…what’s the difference? Why did he separate them? Well, the answer is that I separated the two because they’re different. One is simply a category of the other. Money can be defined as a man’s financial worth specifically, while a man’s status can be defined as his worth overall. Again, you should be able to see how one is a subset of the other. Though many mistakenly believe differently, money and status are not literally interchangeable.
Now, on this subject of status, understand that status, just like confidence, can be situation, category, or environmentally specific. Regardless, you should always understand that how a man values himself is always more important than whatever value someone else places upon him. Now that I’ve got that out of the way, in the eyes of other people (let’s say “women” in particular) our overall status as men is measured in comparison to what that particular woman is looking for—what that specific girl considers to be valuable.
You understand what I mean? Look at it this way—to an actress, a successful, Academy award winning, well-connected director may have the kind of status she’s attracted to. Or to an ER nurse, the chief of surgery who works her shift may have the kind of status that she’s attracted to. To a sophomore cheerleader, the captain of the football team or the star player of the basketball team will probably have the kind of status she’s attracted to. Or, it even works on the lower end of things as well. For instance, to a heroin addict, her drug pusher may be the guy who has the kind of status she’s most attracted to. You get the picture.
Now let’s get back to your Money then Power, then Respect, then Women formula that you wrote about. Quite easily, by the examples I just used, you can see that high status can mean different things to different women—it just depends on what they’re looking for. Also, notice that not all of the examples I just gave are money-specific at all. And not all of them are power-specific either. However, do you know what all of them do have in common?
That’s what they all have in common.
But let’s define the word “respect” right quick. And I’m going to define it in a way that you probably aren’t use to hearing it. Understand that words, when you really break them down, have meanings far deeper than most people take the time to consider. And also, keep in mind that words create pictures in your mind. Since that’s the case, let’s breakdown this word “respect”. It’s made up of just two simple syllables “re”, which means “again” and “spect”, which means “to see or to look at”.
So in the most basic of terminology, to respect someone means that there’s something about that person that causes you to do a “double-take”. Something about them causes you to “look again”. Or, something about them grabs your attention and holds it. Whenever this happens, it’s a telltale sign that on at least some level, you believe that there’s something about that person that is of value.
So what does all this mean as far as women are concerned? Well, what it means is that if a man has something about him that a woman values emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually, or financially, then that’s often the thing that she considers to be his status. This could be anything. The take home message is that “yes”, most women are attracted to men who can elevate or benefit them in some way, but their desire to be elevated or benefited does not always begin and end with financials.
Yes, it could be merely his money, but it could also be the sexual chemistry they share. It could be his spiritual maturity and willingness to lead. It could be the quality of his companionship. It could be his ability to elevate her moods by making her laugh at will. Again, it could be anything. However, what all these things have in common is that it’s the woman herself who decides what that man’s most attractive quality is—not the man. In other words, any particular woman’s perception of high status is just that—her perception.
Now bear in mind, it’s not always so cut-and-dried As I’m sure you can imagine from the scenarios I outlined earlier, there’s always a danger that a man could be taken advantage of, or outright “targeted” by certain women just because of his status. But, in cases where the man and the woman are both arguably on the same status level in a particular category—say like when one athlete gravitates toward another, or one musician becomes attracted to another, or if one movie buff is drawn to another—then there’s less of a likelihood that one person is out to take advantage of the other. And there’s more of a chance that both people are with each other because they wanted to “come together” instead of them being together because one of them was just trying to “come up”. You understand what I’m saying, here?
Though nobody can have a guarantee that they’ll never be used or taken advantage of by someone else due to their status, the odds of someone being taken advantage of are reduced the more closely aligned they are in various status categories. Unfortunately, many men have lived to find out the hard way that just having “money” alone as their primary status category does not shield them from taking some serious financial and emotional hits from women when their relationships go south. What these men soon discover is that they call money “currency” for a reason.
Why? That’s because as easily as it flows in it can flow out—just like a current. These men learn one of the harshest of life’s lessons: They learn that though you can use your money to rent-the-hell-out-of some Love, Togetherness, and Devotion from a woman—you can never really buy them outright.
Yes, make no mistake: Money is great. Get money and keep money. But if you’re a man who eventually wants someone to be with you for more than just that—then you have to be about more than just that. That’s the primary reason why your battle to be a better man—to continually seek to raise your status should never stop in just one area (financially). Having many categories of high status working in your favor will always increase your chances of getting and keeping the kind of women that you really want in your life. Understand that a man of substance is not defined just by what he has—but who he is, and what he does with his life “because” of who he is.
So the answer to your question again is “No”. It’s not always all about the money, but it is always about respect. Why? That’s because with respect, a man can get favor with other people to place him in a position to get “the money”. With respect, a man can inspire and influence other people to the extent where he will automatically be given “the power”. And a man who knows his own power, has the wisdom to use it wisely, and can display it in a way that’s beneficial to himself and to other people will always—ALWAYS—be able to get women.
~Victory Unlimited © 2013
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