Victory Unlimited: Five Shots at Five Questions!

By   2 War Room Comments

1.

Robert writes:

“What’s the best way to keep that “I don’t really care” frame of mind while I’m meeting new women for potential dates? I know that not being too attached to the outcome of dates is a great way to keep from ruining dates out of nervousness or because I’m trying too hard, but how does a guy really accomplish this?

I mean, how does a guy do this while at the same time, stay enthused enough to keep going out meeting women and going on dates? We all know that when you approach women that there’s no telling what you’re gonna get: A cold, flat rejection or a wide open invitation. How can I guard against getting too wrapped up in how things will play out? So again, what’s the best way to maintain an “I don’t really care” attitude while you’re out here dating?”

Victory Unlimited writes:

The answer to how best to maintain your emotional equilibrium in romantic situations is actually hidden within your question itself. The healthiest way to achieve that “I don’t really care” attitude with new women is by spending at least twice that amount of time “caring” about all the other things in your life that are important to you.

Understand that “time” is always in limited supply. Time is one of the few things that money can’t actually, literally buy——-or even rent. Due to this fact, any man who spends the bulk of his time focusing on the varied other interests in life (like career, family, friends, or hobbies) can minimize his risk of focusing too much on women in an unhealthy way. Keeping your life full and your interests diversified is the best way to maintain your emotional equilibrium around even the most attractive of women.

2.

Hanson writes:

“What are some of the warning signs that I should look for to let me know when it’s time to end a relationship? Or, what are some warning signs that you shouldn’t get into a date or get into a relationship with a particular woman in the first place?

The reason I ask this is because I know a lot of guys that I work with who are in terrible relationships. Or even worse, they’re dating or hooking up with women who bring a whole lot of drama into their lives. The funny thing about it is that the guys themselves act like that’s normal. Most of them just keep hanging on to those bad relationships. They just keep trying to save the relationship, save the girl, or save the girl and the relationship by sacrificing who they really are? What’s going on here? How many warning signs of a potential bad relationship is too many?”

Victory Unlimited writes:

In moderation, it’s not the amount of warning signs that you need to look out for————it’s the particular warning sign that stops you dead in your tracks that you should pay the closest attention to. Every man has his own list of personal deal-breakers when it comes to dating and relating to women, so you should only concern yourself with what yours are. Having said that, what you need to remember is that something that could be a major issue to some other guy could be a non-issue to you in regards to relating to women.

You’d probably be shocked by what some guys will put up with, while some of those same guys would probably be just as shocked by what you would put up with. There are actually a number of specific ways for you to know when you should treat a relationship WARNING sign like a relationships STOP sign. But, just to keep it simple, recognize that one of the clearest signals that it’s time to take real heed to a warning sign is when you feel like you can’t really get past it and continue the relationship with any kind of real sense of joy, peace, or contentment.

3.

Jordan writes:

“Okay, here’s what’s going on: I met this girl who always comes to this bar around the corner from me. She’s so sexy I can’t even tell you. She’s one of those video girl-type chicks——-always wearing tight, revealing clothes and a lot of makeup. She’s always giving me “the eye” and flirting with me.

The only thing is that she’s always in there with a big, tough looking guy. To be honest, I think he might be some kind of drug dealer, because different people usually go over to his table and give him money in exchange for something else that he puts into their hands. Anyway, like I said: I think it’s obvious that this girl is hooked up with this guy. Now, usually I have a rule about never going after other dudes’ wives or girlfriends, but this girl is so fine, do you think it’s time for me to change my rules?”

Victory Unlimited writes:

No.

4.

Lawrence writes:

“At my job, we’re going through a lot of organizational changes. We were recently “acquired” by a bigger company. As a result of this, everybody’s either so scared or so stressed out to the point where they keep coming to me about every little problem. Sure, as the manager, I do manage to properly delegate the solving of the problem to the appropriate people, but I gotta tell you——-it’s still very tiring. It’s becoming harder and harder to inspire my team to have a good attitude when I find myself getting a bad attitude about all the problems that they keep bringing to me. What’s your take on this?”

Victory Unlimited writes:

Count your blessings. Focus on the things you can be grateful for and don’t waste your time meditating on all the things that you’re not. Remember that being the leader is all about being the go-to man——the problem solver——the solution finder. The moment people start taking their problems to someone else to solve instead of “you” is the moment when the way that they view you has changed.

If that happens, know that they’ve either given up on believing that you CAN lead them or they’ve given up on believing that you WANT to lead them. On the other hand, if you can successfully weather this current bad-attitude “storm” you’re going through, you’ll most likely emerge as a man who both respects himself more——–and who is also more respected by the people that he’s been leading. Be encouraged, soldier—-and keep standing strong!

5.

Reg-180 writes:

“Recently, I met this woman that I think I’ve been seeing a little too much. I’ve been going out with her a couple of times during the week and at least one day on the weekends. She’s great and I like her, but it’s gotten to be too much. I know that if I keep things going like this, it’s gonna burn out too fast. What I need to do is drop off the grid, but even though she’s already asked me out for a concert this weekend, she still wants to meet me for drinks tonight. Even though I agreed to go, I’m thinking about not showing up tonight and just come up with an excuse to give her tomorrow. What’s the best way to handle this?”

Victory Unlimited writes:

What? You’re thinking about standing this woman up? You’re honestly thinking about flaking out on this woman and you want to know what I think about this? Well here’s what I think:

It takes a small man to stand up a good woman.

Be a bigger man than that, soldier. And yes. I assume she’s a good woman because nothing you’ve written seems to suggest otherwise. This woman’s only “crime” is that she may be TOO interested in you for her own good. You don’t flake out on women like this, you just take control of the situation by setting up some time and territory parameters. How do you do that? Well, the first thing you should do is remind yourself that men who live fulfilling and interesting lives always have things to do that naturally interfere with their romantic availability with the women they meet——-especially brand new women.

I assume that the two of you are not exclusive yet, and until you are—–until someone initiates “the talk”, it’s usually a bad idea to let her monopolize your time. Since you agreed to meet her tonight, you should be a man of your word and show up as planned. However, starting tomorrow, give yourself permission to start telling her (and any other woman) that you’re “busy” or that you have other “commitments” whenever you’d rather not go out with them. Then, once you say this, just either start talking to them about other things or recommend another day or time to go out with them that would be more convenient for you.

The important thing to remember here is to not allow yourself to feel like you have to go into a lot of detail to “explain” why you’re busy or have other commitments. In this situation, less info is better than too much info. Why? That’s because believe it or not, some women actually start to question whether or not you’re telling them the truth when you try to explain yourself too much.

Be kind. Be respectful. But be firm. Remember that this girl is not your girlfriend, so it’s neither wise nor necessary for you to give her “Girlfriend Rank” or privileges just yet. However, since you’re obviously into her too and if things keep going well, she may reach that level pretty soon. Which is probably all the more reason for you to establish some healthy relationship boundaries for the both of you now.

~Victory Unlimited © 2012

2 Comments

War Room Comments

2 Responses to Victory Unlimited: Five Shots at Five Questions!

  1. Richie Raw says:

    Hey V.U., your answers to questions 1, 2, and 4 were good. Your answer to question number 5 was brilliant. But your answer to question number 3 was PRICELESS! Very funny and totally unexpected.

  2. Hey Richie, thanks for your input. As you can see from my response to question number 3, sometimes a one word answer is all you need…

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